A couple days ago, my Blood-Shed colleague Matthew Meyers published an article on horror-inspired micro brews from across the country, and this inspired me to create a similar list of my own. Sure, I appreciate a nice cold bottle of suds from time to time, but when I’m really hoping to relax, nothing beats a nice sweet spliff!
As a resident of Northern California, I’m blessed to live in a sort-of Marijuana Mecca; sure, we’re not Colorado, but the “Compassionate Care Act” makes the herb available to anyone who can prove to a doctor they’d rather vape some weed than take an Advil. I live just a stone’s throw, in fact, from an area in San Francisco’s East Bay that’s been affectionately dubbed “Oaksterdam”.
While most strains of marijuana are given uplifting names that extol their medicinal virtues, the vast number of variants and the limited vocabulary of the English Language have made for some rather bizarre monikers—some are even downright terrifying!
The list below consists of the most interesting horror-inspired strains of marijuana available. Despite some truly dastardly names, the effects are almost guaranteed to be pleasing. Enjoy!
Mr. Tusk/White Walrus: Aspects of Kevin Smith’s recent bizarre horror movie Tusk were “born in a blaze”, so it’s fitting that he orchestrated a medical marijuana promotional tie-in: Southern California dispensary Buds & Roses created and distributed Mr. Tusk (aka White Walrus) in the film’s honor. They even went so far as to request Instagram pics of users “creating tusks” by blowing the smoke from their nostrils. While news of Mr. Tusk was enthusiastically reported, I’m unable to find the hybrid’s origins or a list of effects—so smoke at your own risk.
Michael Myers OG: With a “killer” name like Michael Myers OG, I’d expect this strain of weed to drain the blood from my face and turn me into a mute, lumbering, mental patient. It’s a strong, heady indica with a “piney aroma” and “dank taste”. Expect an intense yet relaxing body high that might hold you in its grasp for over 3 hours.
Hellraiser OG: I’d assume potential side effects of Hellraiser OG would include: The sensation of flesh being pulled from bones, blood being drained from the body, and pin-pricks around the facial region. This First Place winner of the 2014 High Times San Francisco Cannabis Cup is a sativa-heavy hybrid of Fire OG and Face Off with a “woody aroma”. It might not tear your soul apart, but it may transport you into another dimension.
Jack the Ripper: Will smoking this strain cause an uncontrollable urge to murder women in the White Chapel district of London? Not unless you can time travel back into the late 1800’s. But seriously, reviews warn that Jack the Ripper is not a strain to be taken lightly: Expect this “creeper” to take you out of commission for at least a couple hours. It’s described as “trippy” with an “incredible lemon, mango, piney” aroma.
Armageddon OG: While it’s name certainly sounds bleak, I’m told that users can expect the world to still be there when they come down from this powerful high. Armageddon is a favorite for growers as it flowers relatively quickly (8 weeks) and produces high yields. While some may be intimidated by this strain’s higher than average THC levels, it eventually mellows into a solid body high with an exceptionally long buzz.
Cujo: With a name like Cujo, I’d expect this weed to cause me to lose my mind and foam at the mouth. While this strain remains somewhat elusive, research concludes it is a cross between Dogbite and Killa Queen. While specific descriptions of Cujo’s effects are difficult to come by, it received a decent rating (7 out of 10) on www.typesofweed.com/cujo.
John Doe: If I had to guess, I’d say that this “killer” weed won’t just destroy you, it’ll wipe out all of your friends and family until no one is left to identify your body! While John Doe’s genealogy is a bit of a mystery, aficionados are relatively certain it’s an OG descendant. It’s apparently a beautiful plant with large, trichome-covered flowers. Its effects are described as “well balanced”, providing pain relief without sleepiness.
Hippy Killer: Hippy Killer sounds like the next great horror icon, an imposing Voorhees-esque annihilator bent on punishing promiscuous campers and flower-power wannabees. This strain is known for being very potent and fast-acting and is a hybrid of Love Potion and Brazilian Indica with a “tropical fruit” taste and aroma. Looking for something a bit less intense? Try its cousin, Hippy Crippler, an “uplifting” sativa dominate cross of AK-47 and Blue Satellite.
Phantom OG: The name suggests a high so intense, you’ll practically pierce the veil, gaining the ability to commune with otherworldly ghosts and ghouls. While its lineage is largely unknown, this sativa-dominant hybrid begins with heightened energy and ends with a full-body relaxation “crash”. Expect fits of giggles followed by periods of intense contemplation. Phantom is great for those who suffer insomnia but prolonged use of this specific strain can lead to “mental-jamming” and “absent-mindedness”.
Shark Attack: “We’re going to need a bigger bong!” According the The Daily Smoker: “This indica dominant strain is mostly important for 3 reasons: the white layer of resin that it produces, its medicinal effect due to its high CBD content and its intense indica aroma and taste. It relaxes the body and muscles very noticeably, like hashish, and the effect is strong and pleasurable.”
Sleestack: The Sleestack are a breed of hissing, replitian humanoids from the 1970’s TV series Land of the Lost; the strain of weed named after them, however, is much less intimidating. Sleestack is a cross of Shrom (a derivative of Romulan indica) and Martian Mean Green and is described as “flavorful” and “heady”. This strain won 3rd Place in the Spannabis Champions Cup in 2009 in the “Outdoor” category.
Alien OG: I always thought they named this strain “Alien” because it’s “out of this world” but, who knows, perhaps it makes a smoker feel like a huge insects with a retractable mouth. It’s a cross between Tahoe OG and Alien Kush that rates very high in terms of potency and pain relief. This is one I can attest to personally, having both grown and smoked this dense plant with an earthy flavor and aroma.
Have you tried any of the horror-inspired strains of marijuana mentioned on this list? What about strains that aren’t mentioned here? Sound off in the Comments section!
And if you’re looking for some great films to watch WHILE stoned, check out my recent list: HERE!
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