“Alien Tampon” is Bloody Good

Blah-blah, period joke, blah-blah.

When a “trailer” emerged recently for an upcoming film called Alien Tampon, some people thought the entire thing was a huge joke. It turns out, they were right! Well, kind of… Read the synopsis and see it for yourself below.

Official Synopsis: A UFO breaks through the earth’s atmosphere and falls to the ground. A huge number of police officers and military units are actuated for eliminating the alien threat. A fierce battle against a superior power starts, through forests and cities. Aliens are shot, blood flows, people die. Away from this global problem Jessica, Nicole, Marie and Denise together with Carmen attend college. The girls have been arguing repeatedly, which culminates in a broil. Carmen drops her handbag in the turmoil, the contents of which are scattered over the stained asphalt. A tampon lands in a puddle of alien blood. Carmen, humiliated once again, starts crying heavily and inserts the tampon, not noticing the green shimmer. The alien blood is contagious: she mutates and becomes a monster immediately, developing a vicious hunger for rioting, throwing plasma lightning and killing.

If you were impressed by the above mix of gross-out horror comedy and big budget sci-fi FX, you might be thinking, “I was skeptical, but Alien Tampon actually looks like a movie I’d like to see.” The good news is: You just did!

Let me explain:

The video you just watched is not actually a trailer for a feature film called Alien Tampon; Alien Tampon (aka Alientampon) is actually a 3-minute short film in trailer form. It’s the brainchild of German filmmakers Max Lais, Hanno von Contzen, and Jan Zenkner, produced in Cologne by Chinzilla Films.

If you feel either duped or disappointed (or both), find comfort in the fact that Alien Tampon does indeed have feature film aspirations. According to the Official Website:

At the moment, Alientampon is “only” a short film – a trailer. We want to make the entire movie and plan to finance the project via crowdfunding in order to realize it in Germany. We miss the movies that we love and enjoy watching from Germany, for Germany and the world. We aim to show with Alientampon that the genre film in Germany has a chance to reach cinema level for a reasonable budget under professional conditions – and with a broad fan base.

alientampon_poster_red

While German horror movies are indeed a comparative rarity, recent gems like Rammbock and Blood Glacier prove the country absolutely possesses the talent and resources necessary to play with the big boys. So I’d welcome a feature film version of Alien Tampon. And, let’s face it: The story is no more farfetched than the plot for Teeth!

If nothing else, the filmmakers behind Alien Tampon have proven that a huge chunk of horror fans worldwide are absolutely obsessed with female genitals, willing to click on a link to something potentially disgusting simply because it’s related to a vagina. Shocking!

Heheh… I said “vagina”.

Would you be willing to spend your cash to help make Alien Tampon an actual feature film? Would you pay money to see it if it looked as good as the trailer? Sound off in the Comments section!

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  • Mike Crowley
    29 June 2015 at 4:43 pm - Reply

    I kinda think three minutes might be the perfect length for this. It’s pretty hilarious as it is.

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