Organ Trail – You have Dysentery.

I hope the title didn’t confuse you because you don’t actually have Dysentery, I know, I  checked with your doctor but they said you might want to get that weird lump with the hairs growing out of it looked at.  Today I’ve decided to make good on a promise I made while being traumatized by clowns and they weren’t even real you guys, that’s how much I hate clowns.  But Coulrophobia aside, it’s time to jump right into this article.  Being the ever broadening horizon that is writing for the Blood-Shed we cover various topics and outlets of horror.  I’ve done an article before about a game called Dead Nation, which is still awesome in case you were wondering.  This game though is a direct parody of everyone’s favorite game for as long as finishing your work before the others paid off.

You could feel the jealous slow pokes hatred stares burning the back of your head.

As much as you might try to deny it, almost everyone played some variation of this game, either at school, a crappy birthday or holiday gift from out-of-touch Grandma, or you are a masochist who missed out on the experience initially and sought a copy out on your own.  It was great for playing a video game in class and getting away with it, but that was the only fact that made it even barely fun.  It was the equivalent of Freemium games in Hell; they’re just barely fun but you can’t pay to make them more fun.  Despite this we played and we played and we didn’t know why, we were hooked and needed Little Timmy to make it, but he always dies from a broken arm.

How most Oregon Trail games end.

While I can’t promise that a game of Organ Trail won’t end any better, I can say there are much more creative ways this game can and will kill you.  I own the Original version that was released on Steam, before the fancy expansions that made the game play much more customized.  Ignoring that fact I will say that I’m sure the DLC is worth the investment if you enjoy retro game parodies riddled with zombies.  There is an initial and brief tutorial that teaches you the basics and introduces a guy named Clements who you have to put down like a dog because he gets bitten.  After naming your crew and taking Old Yeller, I mean Clements out back you’re all set to pile into the station wagon and begin your trek across the zombie infested landscape that was once North America.

“Piece of cake!”

Organ Trail parodies Oregon Trail so well it was almost like switching the sprites and calling it good, but at the same time it was so different it stood out.  Hunting is a bit different, instead of trying to murder all of God’s creatures you’re trying to murder all of God’s abominations, all while zipping around a map with timed supplies that pop up randomly.  Scavenging is an addictive aspect of the game until you run out of bullets or encounter the immortal zombie bear, there are also zombie wolves so that’s fun.  Time of day, location and luck all play a part in scavenged food, supplies and undead encounters.  You might see less zombies during the day but you’ll also find less stuff.  There’s also the station Wagon to consider, unlike the wagon that only really needed wheels and oxen, the station wagon requires Tires, Batteries, and mufflers as well as fuel.  A few perks of the DLC is the vehicle selection but they’re all basically the same.  While the station wagon may require more attention than a high maintenance significant other it makes up for it by having five slots for bonus mods that make it more useful.

“Babe magnet.”

While you now have to worry about breaking down, starving to death, or encountering an undead Bear you also have to worry about distractions, often times a roadside event will pop up like the world’s largest ball of twine, only in the form of crazed survivors or zombies who pop out of their graves.  Now that you’re stressed out it’s time to mention that random things, while often funny are usually bad for you.  At least one person in your crew is dubbed the dumb one and will lose money in the car cushions, ruin med kits or other supplies and distract the crap out of you while you drive, slowing you down.  Lastly you can get sick or worse, bitten.  You can use excessive med kits to keep them alive but it only costs one bullet to put them down.  That might seem insensitive, but in this kind of economy you gotta be thrifty.

The internet never fails to make a funny situation better.

There is a surprisingly large amount of people willing to barter with you instead of trying to get out of dodge themselves and some even still want money, I presume for burning in a trash-fire because at this point it’s useless for little more than toilet paper.  On the Oregon Trail you had to cross rivers that could result in death.  Organ Trail’s answer to this is zombie hordes.  It gives you various options to use to get by but each has a draw back of some sort that can leave you in really bad shape if not dead and this game really wants you dead.  While this game first appeared as flash game it slowly worked its way up to Facebook and then Steam.  At this point the game is at least five years old but it’s still a pretty cool game to play through and you can get the basic version for five bucks.  If you’re on a budget and need a new game to play this is definitely one I would recommend.  It eats time like Pacman eats pellets, and all those annoying things like responsibility and work seem to fade into a distant memory of a time before you started naming your entire crew “GeorgeRomero” to ensure one survives to get the “I know a guy” achievement.