SEXINA

Popstar P.I.

DIRECTOR: Erik Sharkey

STARRING: ADAM WEST, ANNIE GOLDEN, LAUREN DAVELLA

3 Knives

PLOT: Sexina is a pop star – AND a secret agent!

IMHO:

Action! Sex! Espionage! Pop music! Whaaaa? It’s SEXINA! Not only is she a smokin’ blond babe at the top of the pop charts – until a new, narcissistic pretty boy shits out a hot album – she is also a secret agent that goes wherever she must to battle … crimes of music. As the bitchin’ badass of the pop industry, she has to spend her time both making music (including shooting bikini-boasting videos with Rapping Jesus) and running down the big dirt on music biz evils. The supervillain in question is played by none other than Adam West, and though they pull an Inspector Gadget bad guy motif by keeping the camera behind West much of the time, his signature voice conveys his persona just fine. He is a music mogul who has kidnapped a scientist (and former music star) to make him help carry out West’s evil scheme to dominate the world of pop music. She follows a trail of informants from drug dealer to eyepatch-wearing doofus on her way to nailing West – but not the way he’d probably like to be nailed. Poor Sexina dodges a slew of horny men (and one determined lesbian) while she’s just trying to get her job done. Meanwhile, an unpopular teen girl who is always picked on by a trio of cunts from the cool crowd decides to try to elevate her status by winning a contest which would bring Sexina to her school for a free concert. Despite that it appears to be a sexy spoof a la Seduction Cinema (SEXINA even opens with a Bond-esque title sequence featuring a song by, no shit, Davy Jones), this sexy themed comedy slash parody is warm and rather heartfelt and, relatively speaking, a bit on the innocent side for the subgenre. It’s also got a relentlessly kooky sense of humor that’s as fun as it is campy. As if this wasn’t enough of a bucket of WTF, there are dancing/singing cyborgs, each aligned with a different genre. They’re a cyborg boy band and part of West’s diabolical plan. The culmination of events at the high school concert (come on, you knew the girl would win) actually had me (inwardly) rubbing my hands together in anticipation. Not that I’m gonna tell you what happens.

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