The Friday Night Death Slot
DIRECTOR: John Migliore
STARS: John Migliore, Andre Guantanamo, Deborah Jayne, Reilly Smith and more
They don’t make horror based television like they used to. And thats probably for the better. As much as I love Monsters and Tales From the Crypt, their trashy, hokey fun, best enjoyed with a beer in your hand and a group of friends by your side. The catering budget on one episode of The Walking Dead is probably higher than all the silicone injections Elvira’s gone through combined. And that’s saying alot because, good god…
Those boobies had to have been the cause of
at least two major back surgeries
But the low budget shmuck was, for a certain crowd, an addicting cesspool of entertainment. And its this crowd that has the potential to turn The Friday Night Death Slot into a midnight hit.
Following a night in the life of roller derby diva Chainsaw as she watches the titular TV channel, Death Slot is a bombardment of sometimes nonsensical, but nearly always entertaining shorts, trailers, advertisements, and banter all led by hosts Johnny and Skully, a pair of undead hooligans who could give the Cryptkeeper a run for his money in the Bad Pun Department. To give you a hint on some of the many stories you’ll be watching (and theres alot of them) here are a few highlights…
.Firercacker- A parody of the blaxpoitation genre about a ginger asskicker name Firecracker (known as such because he’s a “cracker” with fiery red hair) who struts around beating up pimps, firing uzi’s, and generally doing blaxpoitation stuff.
.Bringing Up Baby- Two guys find a monstrous child and decide to raise him as their own. When the tyke gets a taste for blood chaos ensues.
.Heebie Jeebies- An old fashioned silent film where mild mannered grounds-keeper Cecil loses his shit and kills a bunch of flappers and rapscallions with a shovel.
… and there are many, many more. Too many in all honesty. The strong is very strong, but for every hilarious sequence feature laundry detergent that gives you anal leakage, there’s a disappointing cartoon that just feels out of place. The editing as a whole is weak in areas with some shots going to long, and story line’s meandering with no real payoff. A general tightening would’ve done the film good.
Chainsaw’s arch in particular just goes nowhere, consisting mainly of her sitting on a couch, farting, and watching TV. I’m already doing all three of those things when I sit down to watch this movie,and just seeing my life on the screen is boring. And while many of the tales are strong, there are just too many of them. Cutting out the stragglers and funneling more time and budget into the best few could have elevated Death Slot to another level.
Complaints aside, I’d be a liar if I didn’t say this film wasn’t a hell of a lot of fun. There’s a reason Tales from the Crypt and Elvira were such hits (not just for the tits you perverts!) and Friday Night nails it. The cheap effects, acting hammier than a slaughterhouse full of bacon, and enough gore and nudity to make a church group faint are all here, and in glorious display. As Johnny and Skully told terrible joke after terrible joke, I was laughing and groaning in equal measure.. and isn’t that what this type of film is about? If this movie took itself even an inch more seriously I doubt I’d of enjoyed it half as much.
Just like the horrendous horror movies of old, Death Slot is best enjoyed with bro’s, brewskies, and a good sense of humor. With some better editing Friday Night could have gone down as a classic. As it is, it’s still a great goddamned time.
Notify me of follow-up comments by email.
Notify me of new posts by email.