Top 10 Horror Movies for Stoners

I caught an advanced screening of Cabin in the Woods in Berkeley, CA back on April 9^th, 2012; it was an event sponsored by Dread Central with director Drew Goddard in tow to answer questions from the audience. Those who spoke up mostly seemed interested in what it was like working with Joss Whedon, but there was only one thing I yearned to know:

“Is the coffee-mug bong a real thing?”

Well, it may have taken over two and a half years, but the guys at Iron Man Designs finally did what stoners worldwide had been hoping: They’ve recreated Marty’s retractable, camouflaged bong. If you’ve got $80 worth of Christmas money burning a hole in your pocket, you can order yours today right HERE. Not a stoner (wink wink) just tell your friends it’s a prop, a replica, piece of horror movie memorabilia. No one will judge you.

Of course the manifestation of the mug got me thinking about the best horror movies for stoners, films that complement a good bong-load, and/or embody the spirit and vibe of stoner culture. Grab a bag of munchies, and get ready for a serious contact high!

Cabin in the Woods (2012)

Director: Drew Goddard

Writers: Joss Whedon, Drew Goddard

Stars: Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison |

Cabin in the Woods isn’t just a movie with a great stoner prop, it’s an incredibly THC-positive film on many levels, and makes no attempt to disguise or apologize for its pro-cannabis stance. Not only does marijuana turn out to counteract the mind-altering mist that makes smart people do stupid things, Marty (Fran Kranz), the so-called “Fool” proves himself to be the shrewdest survivor of the bunch. Marty’s refusal to sacrifice himself to the Ancient Gods may have doomed the human race, but that’s cool. Let’s just spark another spliff and chill. Hey, “I dare you to make-out with that moose over there!”

Idle Hands (1999)

Director: Rodman Flender

Writers: Terri Hughes, Ron Milbauer

Stars: Devon Sawa, Seth Green, Elden Henson |

Anton (Devon Sawa), the main character in Idle Hands, has a stealth stoner device that comes in a close second to Marty’s bong: A pipe disguised as an asthma inhaler. Our protagonist is your stereotypical underachieving say-no-to-drugs poster child whose life seems like little besides trying to replenish his stash. While this slacker life-style definitely resulted in the affliction that possesses his idle hand, marijuana literally saves the day—and Jessica Alba’s sweet booty. “Look at me, look at me! I’m Leatherface!”

This is the End (2013)

Directors: Evan Goldberg, Seth Rogen

Writers: Seth Rogen (screenplay), Evan Goldberg (screenplay), 5 more credits »

Stars: James Franco, Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen |

With Seth Rogan behind the wheel and James Franco in tow, it’s no exaggeration to say that This is the End is the Pineapple Express of horror movies. Throw in the cool kids from Superbad and you can bet this one is nothing short of stoner-rific. Highlights of this send-up of the Apocalypse subgenre include: Jonah Hill getting possessed and Michael Cera getting his butt licked before falling into a molten fissure. What’s that you say Danny McBride? “Hermione just stole all our shit.”

Evil Dead 2 (1987)

Director: Sam Raimi

Writers: Sam Raimi, Scott Spiegel

Stars: Bruce Campbell, Sarah Berry, Dan Hicks |

While any installment of the original Evil Dead Trilogy could be considered ideal entertainment for those with THC on the brain, Evil Dead 2 has that perfect, well-paced mix of black-comedy and gross-out gore that keeps weed-tokers absolutely rapt. Advanced stoners will enjoy turning on the audio commentary with director Sam Raimi and star Bruce Campbell, for an additional layer of giggle-inducing goodness. To sum it up in one word: “Groovy.”

Friday the 13^th Part III (1982)

Director: Steve Miner

Writers: Martin Kitrosser (screenplay), Carol Watson (screenplay), 4 more credits »

Stars: Dana Kimmell, Tracie Savage, Richard Brooker |

Friday the 13^th Part 3 sometimes gets lost in the mix, being neither the best nor the worst in the franchise, but it’s nonetheless notable for several reasons: It was the first film to dethrone ET: The Extra Terrestrial from the #1 spot at the Box Office when it dropped in 1982, it’s the film where Jason first dons his iconic hockey mask, and (most exciting) it was released in 3-D which was a BFD back then. As if anticipating a stoner contingency, the story introduces Chuck (David Katims) and Chili (Rachel Howard), stoners couple with an important function: They pass a joint to the audience—in 3-D! Like most drug users in horror movies, neither one makes it until the end, but at least Chuck dies while toking—which isn’t necessarily a terrible way to go. True, the FX in Friday the 13^th Part 3 are way dated, but stoners will get a kick out of the gratuitous sex and the 80’s nostalgia.

Frankenstein’s Army (2013)

Director: Richard Raaphorst

Writers: Richard Raaphorst (original idea), Richard Raaphorst (story), 4 more credits »

Stars: Robert Gwilym, Hon Ping Tang, Alexander Mercury |

If high enough, watching Frankenstein’s Army can feel like you’re LARPing with the guys from Slipknot. It’s got the same break-neck mix of blood and gore that makes Evil Dead 2 a winner in stoner circles. The first person POV puts you directly in the chaos, fighting steampunk Nazi-zombies while moving through labyrinthine catacombs, creating an effect that feels almost like a video game. With no idea what to expect around the next corner, Frankenstein’s Army is big on chills and thrills; definitely a stoner’s delight.

I Sell Then Dead (2009)

Director: Glenn McQuaid

Writer: Glenn McQuaid

Stars: Dominic Monaghan, Ron Perlman, Larry Fessenden |

One stoner will be like, “Hey, it’s that hobbit guy from Lord of the Rings,” and another will be like, “Nah, it’s that dude from Lost.” They’re both right! Dominic Monaghan and Larry Fessenden play a pair of 19^th Century “body snatchers” based on real-life grave robbers Burke and Hare (who are the inspiration for the entire story). But don’t worry about getting an actual history lesson, just be prepared to laugh at the collage of horror tropes: Vampires and Zombies and Aliens, oh my! I Sell the Dead is the kind of cross-over horror comedy that’ll appeal to stoners who like scary movies as well as stoners who don’t, like Shaun of the Dead; people who don’t smoke weed seem to like this film a lot too.

The Lost Boys (1987)

Director: Joel Schumacher

Writers: Jan Fischer (story), James Jeremias (story), 3 more credits »

Stars: Jason Patric, Corey Haim, Dianne Wiest |

The Lost Boys is more than awesome 80’s nostalgia (reminding us of a time when mullets were cool and vampires didn’t sparkle) it’s a damn fine horror movie for stoners. Filmed in Santa Cruz, CA, a marijuana Mecca in its own right, it’s a potent mix of scares and hilarity that goes perfect with a pipe full of purple. The late Corey Haim crackles is what is perhaps his finest role, and his interactions with co-star and real-life friend Corey Feldman are golden. And let’s not forget about old Grandpa (Barnard Hughes), growing weed right on the window sill, like a boss!

Return of the Living Dead (1985)

Director: Dan O’Bannon

Writers: Rudy Ricci (story), John A. Russo (story), 2 more credits »

Stars: Clu Gulager, James Karen, Don Calfa |

Return of the Living Dead is a riot when you’re sober, so be careful if you decide to watch it high: You might laugh so hard you bust some ribs! Another entry that sports a winning mix of humor and gross-out gore FX, Return of the Living Dead was as innovative as it was hysterical. With a rockin’ 80’s soundtrack and an energetic ensemble cast, this film is a guaranteed good time for stoners.

Sightseers (2012)

Director: Ben Wheatley

Writers: Alice Lowe, Steve Oram, 1 more credit »

Stars: Alice Lowe, Kenneth Hadley, Steve Oram |

Grabbers got lots of attention as the UK horror comedy to see in 2013, but more sophisticated stoners will agree that Sightseers is the superior film. Because while Grabbers is emphatically drunk humor, Sightseers employs a dead-pan style that drips the kind of subtle perversity that goes great with THC. The movie chronicles the murderous and misadventure of the dullest, most uptight couple in the western hemisphere. Chris (Steve Oram) and Tina (Alice Lowe) may be harmless by themselves, but combines they’re like a volatile mix of dangerous chemicals. Their shared descent into madness is disturbing, hysterical, and utterly unforgettable.

So what’s your favorite strain of weed… I mean, favorite horror movie for stoners? Sound off in the comments section, dudes.

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