Top 10 Horror Villains for Donald Trump’s Vice President

Some of us at The Blood-Shed enjoy reporting on what I call “Real-Life Horror”; that is: Stories pulled from news sources that are just as outlandish (if not more so) than our favorite scary movies (like the guy who volunteered for a head transplant). The item to have inspired the most terror this week seems to be that Donald Trump is the frontrunner to represent Republicans in the run for US President in 2016.

The Donald may seek to represent the GOP, but he’s got folks on both sides of the political divide quaking—and quaking angry! While many claim he’s making a mockery of the entire election process, Trump is nonetheless catalyzing audiences with his bizarre and often alarming rhetoric. Love him or hate him, the prospect of Trump setting up shop in the White House is, at the very least, possible.

One thing is for certain, as we move closer to the presidential election, Trump’s choice for running-mate, the man or woman to stand by his side as potential Vice President, will become incredibly important. A running mate can make or break a ticket (I’m looking at you, McCain). And since Trump seems to have a fluid relationship with reality, it occurred to me that he might do well to seek a partner from the Realm of Horror Movie Villains.

Since this list will hardly adhere to the laws of physics, much less the laws of Congress, I’m eliminating restrictions based on criminal status and country of origin (no need to see any birth certificates). Disqualified from consideration, however, are Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, and all other mute brutes. You too, Leatherface; the ability to speak in full sentences will be crucial come debate season.

Top 10 Horror Movie Villains for Donald Trump’s Vice President

Freddy Krueger from A Nightmare on Elm Street

Trump/Krueger 2016: Freddy has enough natural charisma to match the larger-than-life persona that is The Donald. And since Trump’s attempts at witticism often turn out to be incredibly offensive, he’d be wise to leave the jokes to “The Slasher” who has a much better grasp of comic satire. Freddy’s other assets: A winning smile, the ability to stay up all night, and a unique way of “cutting” through bureaucracy.   And, of course, he can kill Trump’s enemies.

Capitan Spaulding from House of 1000 Corpses

Trump/Cpt. Spaulding 2016: Does this guy ooze patriotism or what? The Donald would be well served by this natural showman with excellent speaking skills and a beard like Uncle Sam. Other qualities Capitan Spaulding could bring to a ticket: There’s that winning smile, his proven management abilities, and his uncanny ability to spin a compelling yarn. And, of course, he could kill Trump’s enemies.

Hannibal Lecter from The Silence of the Lambs

Trump/Lecter 2016: The Donald and The Cannibal have probably met dozens of times in the elite circles of yacht clubs and artistic philanthropists. In matching Armani suites, they would make a dapper ticket indeed. Other skills Lecter brings to the (dining room) table: Incredible powers of persuasion, an ultra-refined pallet, and outstanding culinary skills. And, of course, he can kill Trump’s enemies.

Annie Wilkes from Misery

Trump/Wilkes 2016: The importance of the female vote can’t be underestimated, and The Donald would be smart to choose a running mate who can connect with this powerful and influential demographic. Wilkes has an honest, down home, personality that will really resonate with middle America—and she’s way less crazy than Sarah Palin! Other assets: Paranoid attention to detail, skilled with tools, and you know she’ll keep you true to your constituency. And, of course, she can kill Trump’s enemies.

Patrick Bateman from American Psycho

Trump/Bateman 2016: I’m pretty sure Patrick Bateman was one of The Donald’s first protégées from the 1980’s; they clearly share the same attitudes when it comes to the cutthroat business of Business (and both have reputations as Lady Killers). Other ways Bateman could compliment Trump: Knowledge of grooming and anti-aging regiments, excellent taste in music, and the ability to get away with anything. And, of course, he can kill Trump’s enemies.

Mickey Knox from Natural Born Killers

Trump/Knox 2016: If The Donald really cares about connecting with younger voters, he’d consider Mickey Knox a serious contender. Knox is a veritable icon of hope for the disillusioned and disenfranchised, and a man who knows how to manipulate the media to his advantage. And what does Knox offer the ticket? A fresh face on the political scene, an independent maverick’s spirit, and a chance for Trump to finally embrace his baldness. And, of course, he can kill Trump’s enemies.

Norman Bates from Psycho

Trump/Bates 2016: Whereas The Donald is hardly an example of moral integrity, Norman Bates’ commitment to family values is unwavering and unquestionable. Voters just adore a candidate who loves his Mother. Additional strengths Bates offers Trump include: Proven managerial skills, the ability to clean up messy situations, and uncanny insights into female behavior. Norman Bates would never kill Trumps enemies, but I don’t think Mother would have a problem with it.

John Kramer (aka Jigsaw) from Saw

Trump/Kramer 2016: Who better than a civil engineer for thinking outside the box and creating inventive solutions to complex issues. Whereas The Donald is considered an out of touch elitist, Kramer’s genuine appreciation for life comes from almost losing everything. In addition to a strict adherence to moral code, Kramer understands the necessity of sacrifice, the burden of self-reflection, and possesses surprisingly professional puppet-making skills. Hmm? Oh yeah: Kills Trump’s enemies.

The Smoking Man from The X-Files

Trump/Spender 2016: I heard a rumor that old Cancer Man is actually The Donald’s God-Father. Either way, the benefits of running with a government insider are abundant. CGB Spender (or is it Raul Bloodworth?) has extensive connections, with ties to other international power brokers and warring factions of extraterrestrials (come on, we all know it!). Other powerful incentives: Sniper skills, willingness to get his hands dirty, and a proven track-record for keeping secrets. Kill enemies? Uh, yeah.

Pinhead from Hellraiser

Trump/Cpt. Spenser 2016: To balance out The Donald’s amoral, hedonistic image, Pinhead lives by strict codas that predate the Bible. Trump needs this old-school fire and brimstone integrity if he truly plans to harness the sway of the religious right. Other assets include: Military and interdimensional connections, loyal associates, and the ability to manipulate disembodies hooks and chains. Pinhead would be happy to dispense an eternity of pain and suffering upon Trump’s enemies—if they dare open the box.

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Is there a horror villain you think The Donald should consider as his future Vice President? Sound off in the Comments section!

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