5 ways owning a cat is indistinguishable from living in a haunted house

Paranormal cativity

Having moved into a new apartment just a week ago, being awoken at 3 AM by loud noises in your domicile can be disconcerting. Is that your asshole cat destroying your room mates’ belongings? Or something else? It is at times like this, lying awake next to a hot goth chick and listening as a wild animal trashes my house, that my mind wanders. What if it was something paranormal? How would I even be able to tell the difference? And I realized, owning a cat is actually a lot like living in a haunted house.

1. Things disappear

hqdefault You know you put something in a particular spot… and now it’s gone. No one knows where it is. Is it the supernatural or has your cat found a new toy? Think something is just too big or awkward for your cat to move? Nope. Loaf of bread, computer mouse, never underestimate what your feline will drag away and hide, never to be found again. Makes one long for a home built on an Indian burial ground.






2. Strange scratches on your body
d2b08f5d479d2ad73bbdf2cdba661941 Your body is covered in scratches and claw marks. Sign of a demonic entity, enraged at your presence in its lair? Or did you rub your kitty’s belly one too many times? At least with the entity from The Conjuring you don’t need to pour a bottle of peroxide on it to prevent cat scratch fever…





3. You feel like you are being watched


The hair sticks up on the back of your neck… Someone… of something… is watching you. You can feel it. Is the Babadook spying on you? Or is your own personal furry ninja stalker on the prowl, waiting to strike? Both? Only time will tell.







4. Those aforementioned nocturnal sounds


That awful crash might just be your furry feline f(r)iend… but what if it isn’t? The real question though is, whether the handiwork of Fluffy or Lucifer, how much more glassware can you afford to lose?






5. Hell, your cat is probably possessed


In the end, your cat is most likely possessed by Beelzebub anyway. Seriously, spray it with holy water and see how it reacts. The evil little bundle of furry cuteness/destruction is why I surround my bed with demon traps at night.







Do you have stories of your own personal paranormal cativity? Give us a shout out in the comments!

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  • VideoPortal
    30 March 2017 at 10:00 pm - Reply

    probability – How many ways are there to distribute 2 indistinguishable white and 4 indistinguishable black balls into 4 indistinguishable boxes? – Mathematics Stack Exchange